Today was the day of the crab. Joshua found out early this morning that he would not be going home today. His ANC has dropped by half to 1102. His temp was 100.1 last night.That started the ball rolling.
Joshua was NPO this morning in preparation for getting an LP at 11:00. Just when he is starting to get his appetite back he can't eat anything.
That kicked the ball a little harder.
The doctors were running behind schedule and we didn't get started until 12:30.
Another good solid kick.
The anesthesiologist had to give Josh a lot of medicine to get him to go to sleep. When he woke up we had a full blown incident brewing.
The ball caught fire as it raced past.
From that moment forward the crab got bigger and bigger.
Can't really blame him. He has been stuck for ten days now with no clear end in site.
For Renee and I it was another one of those moments we have seen too many times.
The moment where Joshua gently loses his grip on the conscious world and slips away to a place with no pain and no cancer.The moment where our hearts flutter a little as we close the door behind us after telling his unconscious form that we love him.
The moment where we wait in the same place outside the day hospital for the doctor to come out and gives us the all clear.
The moment where just for a few brief seconds all the fear and pain from the first time we went through the same ritual comes flooding back into our minds.
We cleanse it away quickly,
but it is still there.
We wait by his bed as he sleeps peacefully. Glancing at the monitors every few minutes. Joshua is in a place only he can describe to himself. Unaware of what is transpiring around him. Unaware of the nurse watching over him. For a tragically short time he is totally free.
His eyelids will flutter as he begins to wake up and after a few minutes he will ask in a soft voice, "Is it over?"
"Yes sweetheart, it's over."
Today marks the beginning of the 3 1/2 years to finish Joshua's treatment. We have 1278 days left.
But for today, its over...
Tomorrow he gets a shot of PEG in each thigh and he has to be monitored for two hours afterward. If his fever stays away maybe he can come home tomorrow afternoon.
Tomorrow he gets a shot of PEG in each thigh and he has to be monitored for two hours afterward. If his fever stays away maybe he can come home tomorrow afternoon.
For now, he rests...
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3 comments:
DAY 118. =( Crappy day today hu monkey. Im sorry love bug at least you got to get starting on chemo again and get back into tswing of things. =) I really hope taht fever comes down Joshy so that you can go home. You are doing such a wonderful job!! Keep up the great work. and stay strong lovebug. We hope you h ave a better day tomorrow and see you soon monkey butt.
XOXO LOVE JAMIE BELLA AND CHRISTIAN
Oh Josh - I'm sorry it was a crappy crabby day. You are so strong and such an inspiration to so many people. what a Warrior you are and keep on kickin' cancer butt all the time;)
Jarrod, Renee and Lee, you know I love you all and pray for better days soon. Laura & Frank
Hey Snaggle Snuggle Monkey,
My heart is so heavy over all the misery you are experiencing. After reading the eloquently descriptive picture your Daddy painted I find it impossible, at the moment, to pull words together.
I am sorry you are having to be subjected to so much physical and emotional pain. Supposedly, it will make you a stronger person. Right now, at this very moment, it's a meaningless sentiment. Oh how I wish I could take the cancer away from you, put it in a zip bag, take it to a toxic waste dump and bury it under a million tons of stuff so nasty it wouldn't ever be able to escape.
I hope you can dredge the strength you need to continue kicking that stinking nasty cancer into a black hole. You have been so very brave and I continue to stand in awe of your strength and tenacity.
Wish I could somehow be with you to make things easier.
Tons of Love, Hugs, Kisses and Prayers,
Nonna
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