Mom on a Rant!… Day 609 15JUL10

We’ve always tried to only say positive things about Joshua. It is what Lee and I agreed
on when we first started Joshua’s Story. It was important that everyone around us stayed
positive and upbeat not only for us but for Joshua as well.

In basic truth….Cancer really does Suck! It really does affect the entire family.
I wish I could say that we have only had a little stress to deal with but that isn’t exactly
the truth. Joshua’s therapy treatment is excruciatingly long and sometimes it is just
overwhelming.

I’ve spent a good portion of the last couple of years worrying and dealing with an
incredible amount of stress. Even before Joshua was diagnosed, I was worrying about
my job as an appraiser in a failing market, loss of income, finding a new line of work,
how my boys were doing in school and then it seemed I hit rock bottom. Joshua had
cancer! I suddenly had something new to deal with and all the things that kept me up
at night didn’t seem so significant as the life of my child.

Now I find myself worrying not only about cancer but also about finances. It seems that the bank is finally going to foreclose on us due to the fact that we haven’t been able to make a mortgage payment
since Joshua was diagnosed. It’s just a house but it is the only house Joshua has ever lived in. That’s hard to take.

But it is still just a house! I also find myself concerned with where do we move, how to afford the move and even if we can afford a rent payment! I also worry about how Lee is taking everything since all the finances fall into his lap including the exorbitant amount of medical bills that we owe. He is a wonderful husband and has done a terrific job getting us this far.

I am always wondering if the boys are taking everything ok and how they will adjust. I find myself thinking, “If I could just win the lottery”, but I know that wouldn’t solve anything either…just bring on more problems! We, as a family, have been through a lot this past year and a half on this journey we call life. Cancer seems to surround us everyday. We constantly see new children diagnosed, Lee lost his mother to cancer only months ago, my dear friend has just been diagnosed and undergone surgery for breast cancer and I find myself constantly wondering when it will all end. In plain truth, It won’t! This journey is continuous! Even as I sit typing this I know that next week I will be undergoing a Thyroid scan to see if the two small nodules that the doctors have found on my thyroid are cancerous. The good news is 90% are not!

The life we live will continue on and I will continue to worry, but we will also continue to stay positive and focused on Joshua’s complete healing. Thank you for praying for Joshua and for our entire family. We know you are out there supporting us, and that in itself is a true blessing. Yes, I have to deal with a large amount of stress, but I know that in the end Joshua will be healed. Both he and Jarrod will grow into remarkable young men capable of anything they set out to accomplish.