Today was a day for brothers to hang out and enjoy each others company. Jamie and Renee went shopping with her mom, Christian stayed at home with me and had a good time with his little brothers. I love to watch the three of them do things together, I will often times just sit back and absorb how they interact. There is a special joy a father feels seeing in his children the little things, the "good" things, that he has tried to impart to them surface and shimmer. They are glimpsed but for a moment and then quickly obscured by the noise of everyday life. But they are there...Joshua was warm today and decided to take off his shirt and walk around for a while. This is something he used to do all the time before he got sick, he would sometimes spend the whole day shirtless. I look at my baby now with his shirt off as he runs into my office to ask me a question and there are the signs of his cancer. The scar from his port surgery, the port itself. That bump on his chest where they inject all the things that we hope will cure him. Still a little red from being in the hospital. Silent, indelible reminders that scream at me, no matter how good of a day he has, no matter how warming it is to hear his laughter, no matter how fiercely we love him, he has cancer. I smile at him, try not to stare at his scar. It hurts... It hurts alot...
Tomorrow the worlds attention will be dominated by games and frivolity, commercials and food. I will watch the game for the commercials like I do every year, pull Joshua close to me, cuddle, and weep inside.
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2 comments:
DAY 80 ALREADY DUDE!!! Oh my goodness. Times flying man!! I was very happy to see you jarrod mom and dad. You look soo good love bug!! And you made your own sandwich it looked yummy!!! =) all though you put like 6 pieces of ham on it. heehee Wow Jarrod and can make some awesome music on dads key board, i love to hear it!! =) You kicking some pokemon butt today dude. You gotta show me how to play it... =) It was freezing outside man holy cow! Well i love you monkey butt and keep up the great work... See you soon. I LOVE YOU !!! =) Thank you mom and grandma for the clothes.
XOXO LOVE JAMIE BELLA AND CHRISTIAN
ps it was so funny that you hit christian in the private today. well it wasnt but it was just something that little coming out of the nerf gun can bring him to his knees. haahaa haa.
Such a great photo of three brothers together, a truly bonding moment that does bring a parent to tears. We have our sons a short time before they become men; the blink of an eye. It's the most precious gifts that God entrusts to us. Just wait until you get to hold that grandbaby - it's falling in love all over again. (a girl would be nice, Jamie)
I am as always humbled by the little things. When I hear "you bro, what's happening" coming out of Danny's mouth to his younger brothers, knowing he has 3 children of his own, I feel the bond of brothers that is so strong. I think of Renee when I first met her and never in a million years did I see her as the mother of 4 sons. And when it happened, it was so natural and perfect. We are so truly blessed.
Enjoy the game day hoopla; share those sandwich recipes; let normal life continue one more day.
Love, Laura & Frank
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